The Big John K. Rant (Part 3) - Scams Without Labels: Six Years And Counting

No matter what John says about this short, unless he posts the finished product by some random miracle, it would never be done.

  Of course, since this is a big rant on John Kricfalusi, I just had to mention this infamous scandal. This cartoon John was peddling around as his spiritual successor to his Ren and Stimpy show. The cartoon is called Cans Without Labels, and as of February 16, 2019, it has been never released in its complete state. It has been six years since its due date of February 2013, and considering it's the same month as of now, consider this a six year anniversary of absolutely nothing.

The first mention of this cartoon, if I can recall correctly, would be at August 6th, 2009, where it was yet another one of John's pitches for his failed idea of George Liquor. The link of the mentioning can be found right here (archived link is here in case John would take down his blog): https://web.archive.org/web/20180330004315/http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com/2009/08/cans-without-labels-live-pitch-at-comic.html

The cartoon idea came from John's very own childhood, as George Liquor, as previously stated, was based off of his father. John's father was a cheapskate with food and bought crappy off-branded canned food, that indeed, mostly did not have labels. John's weird relationship with his father is shown here yet again.

It started actual production around 2010-2011, and the Kickstarter page started at July 18, 2012. It has 3,562 backers donating $136,723. John's shrug off on responsibility on his own Kickstarter project had left many backers to be pissed off, since the cartoon hadn't been released, even though he claimed that it was done.

The cartoon itself is about George Liquor having dinner with his nephews Slab and Ernie. The main appetizer is, of course, the namesake of the cartoon: cans without labels. George then opens one of the cans and it has a face in it, much to the nephews' dismay. George then forces them to eat the cans or he would beat them with his belt. What a story right there!

A video of what's been shown to be done of the cartoon was uploaded by the YouTuber known as Flying Eggplant. Here is the video in its entirety up on top of this paragraph.

As you can see, it is a very rough draft of unfinished animation of the cartoon, which deteriorates into nothing but voices drafted onto pencil and pen sketches and chicken scratch. The animation, what amount there is of it, is uncanny at best. For each frame that John animates, he had to make the characters spaz out and move their body parts as if they weren't connected to each other. While I have no problem with this at all, it contributes to the downfall of John, as he basically redoes the same frame over and over again based on the slightest mistake he sees.

As where the money went, many people, including me, think that the most likely scenario would be that John blew it all on his selfish vices, and not for the cartoon that he was making. It's the most likely because even now, the cartoon's still not finished. The previous mentioned claim by John that the cartoon was finished was likely a big fat lie, as John has proven himself to be a huge liar.

One detail that had to be mentioned would be about John's advertisement for one of his other characters, that being Sody Pop. John would design her to be his way of basically making fanservice. One of the Kickstarter rewards describes you getting a "sexy Sody Pop pencil enhancer" and that she was "everyone's favorite cartoon vixen". One of the goals that would've happened if the kickstarter donation had exceeded to $180,000 would be a teaser of a cartoon starring Sody Pop. Let's just say that the character that John was advertising was fifteen years old. FIFTEEN. Don't believe me? 

Here you go. It states it on one of John's failed pitches of his George Liquor show. The reason why I'm stating this is because John has a weird fascination with teenage girls, and it transcends to reality when he harassed Robyn Byrd and Katie Rice, along with other girls who want to be anonymous. Having Sody Pop being of that age while wearing skimpy clothing doesn't make John look good when it was revealed to a broader audience on Buzzfeed that he had done hurtful things to women of Sody's age range. 

If you wanna have a laugh, go check out the annotated version of it by Annoverse, which has the same video up above, but adds MST3K-styled text boxes around it that make fun of John and his shortcomings and morbidness. The video can be seen here:

Some topics that are referenced in the annotations would be referenced in detail in future parts, so be on the look out for them in the near future. Let this video take you on the dark side of John's mind.

In short, Cans Without Labels was a disaster right from the beginning as John was never reliable to make cartoons on time. That's one of the reasons why Nickelodeon kicked him off on The Ren and Stimpy Show. And John wonders why he's never going to be in business ever again, ever since the sex scandals had happened.